The Bailey Brag

We were driving home from our friends’ home on New Year’s Day. From the very far, far away back seat Wheat tells us…”I am going to flabbergast all over the place as soon as we get home”…while we were laughing Lake asked him what that meant so our ears perked up as well to see what definition Wheat gave…he said “It means to throw up in a different way”. Wheat has clearly picked up the art of including big words into his sentences that he may or may not know the meanings to. I wonder which parent he gets this from??

Wheat, playing outside with a plastic baseball bat…”I have a GINORMOUS bat and I am not afraid to use it!!”

Lake, being chased by mommy playing tag in the yard…”Mommy, over here, I’m opened!”

River, pulling on his pockets after I put a pair of cargo-type pants on him with pockets all down the legs…”Mommy, I got chicken pox!”

Wheat came to me a moment ago while getting dressed for church….he said “Mom, I can not succeed with this hole in my underwear”

Wheat just asked Jason, “Dad, does God look down on earth or does he use Google earth?”

“A scantily clad Miss Sharp got busted for speeding on Buttermilk Road. She tried flashing her D’s at me (vitamin D’s that is) but it didn’t go over well. She has been sentenced to a melting pot with a rosemary focaccio baguette and a couple of broccoli florets, all thugs in these parts. She’ll do her time and end up in another pot we won’t discuss in this bulletin. “

Honey, your dental pick is in the dishwasher. I had to use it to dig cheese out of a hotwheel car.

Wheat and River were arguing in the hallway this morning…apparently River was agrivating Wheat (not surprising) and they ended up getting a little physical and the next thing I know River is walking over to me at my desk crying with a fat lip…Wheat came around the corner with a tough guy face on and said to me “it’s all fun and games until he learns himself a lesson”!

…Except these cute little “good guys” got their pirate booties whipped having soft foam swords while every other boy at this costume party had sharp, plastic or hard, wooden swords. So much for trying to keep them safe…instead they got their butts kicked and were mad at me because they couldn’t fight back….LOL.

Free to a good home. One male two-year-old, slightly underweight, long hippie hair, who has in the last 24 hours eaten a tube of toothpaste (flouride free) and 9 pieces of gum (zylotol free), filled a toilet with an entire canister of lysol wipes, colored my-25-year old Cabbage Patch baby’s head green (with a marker), thinks his new age idea of “potty trained” actually has nothing to do with a potty but rather peeing off the back deck in the grass, can’t keep his clothes on EVER, and just stood up in a dining room chair, grabbed his brothers cup of milk and peed in it. For more info or to see pics please call 555-1234.

Also needed: Details on an existing instituion for mommies who can no longer laugh and cry independently and who in this most recent incident was more upset at seeing organic milk wasted…LOL

What’s a mom to do when the middle babe turns five and it truly seems like yesterday he was crawling into my bed early in the morning to nurse himself back to sleep. He’s our little sprout, the one who has grown up without us knowing. His dark eyes hide little and his heart is so soft. He will attempt to fly off the roof like a superhero but cry with his mommy when he talks about growing up and moving out of our house. What a sweet angel. His 5th birthday party was at a gymnasium in Chattanooga. He didn’t stand still for more than a split second and if so it was only to scan to room for the next mountain to climb. What fun he had! Most if not all of the pictures were blurry because the action setting on my camera wasn’t advanced enough to keep up with him.

And never to be left out…River poses and says “CHEESE!!”