Archive for September, 2010


Posted by KK on Wednesday, 15 September, 2010

I am not really sure if that is even a word. I like to put lots of suffixes on words to make new ones. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The older I get, and more mature in my relationship with God, I notice more and more about others’ selflessness. It’s challenging. Some people might look at me and think I am a very selfless individual because we have taken in three children in addition to our own three but I have to fight the selfishness in me daily. I have a ways to go. Seriously. If I experience any frustration at all while mothering my six pack it is solely because I am being selfish and they are inconveniencing me.

I watch others when they look at me with all my kids, six stair steps all under the age of ten in all different colors, and wonder what they think of me and how they think I acquired all these kids. I walk past people in stores with my six pack in tow and just a few seconds after I pass them I do a really quick whip around sort of thing with my head to catch their reaction while they are still starring at us and it is always a look of perhaps “what is that girl thinking?” or I see people counting the heads with their pointer fingers. {If you don’t know me, I am 34 years old but look like I am 20 maybe and about 110 pounds so it probably is hard for people to believe I gave birth to all of them} It is really funny at times and other times it isn’t funny at all because the looks I often get and not very nice and it makes me wonder why those people are looking at me like that. Every time we leave the house I get at least four people ask me “Are all these kids yours?”. I have gone through the line at the grocery and have had clerks ask me if I would be using food stamps and/or WIC to pay for my food. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut but lately I have been responding with “No, our government doesn’t provide low income families with healthy, organic foods so I buy my own.”

And then I remember that they are not selfless. They have their agendas and their lives that they would never want to be interrupted or inconvenienced by anything, much less God’s work. I try to remember to say a prayer for these people. There are a lot of bad things in this world but in my eyes it doesn’t get much worse than an individual living a life for themselves, walking around breathing the same air we breathe, who do absolutely nothing in this world for anyone else besides themselves. They aren’t for me to judge and I don’t. Our Creator will take care of that. Others I see make conscious choices to do for others and help on occasion but turn around and complain to someone about what they “had to do” to make the person who needed help look like a reject or an idiot because they couldn’t help themselves.

I like mentally stepping out of my skin and hovering above people to see the way some people look at other selfless individuals. They look at them the same way they look at me. It is sad. They probably think they look poor, especially since they have a ton of kids. I think they look rich. When I look at a selfless individual my eyes well up with tears and I am enamored. When I see acts of complete selflessness it inspires me to be a better person. The older I get, the more I want to do for others. The more money we earn, the more I want to stick it away and save for someone else in need. Have you ever asked yourself what you are doing for the greater good?

Someone recently asked me why I would want to adopt a child who has so many issues {particularly one that I already have in my custody}. I hadn’t ever thought about this before. I guess maybe because all the “good” and “perfect” kids out there are already taken.

I have been following this family’s blog for a while now and she says it best… click HERE to read it…

“… whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:33