Archive for May, 2010

Fridays are my new Mondays…

Posted by KK on Friday, 28 May, 2010

I find myself clinging to our little guy every Thursday night, holding him a little longer than I would normally before bed, knowing it’s his last night here for a few days. I catch myself thinking about all the times throughout the week when he has cried for me to hold him and I wouldn’t because I thought I had to do this or that. When I choose the laundry or the dishes over him, he still stands right beside my legs and holds one tight until I am done. He is getting better at trying to be a little boy and play and trot around getting into things. Not only can I walk out of the room now without him screaming but I can be in the other room for possibly thirty seconds before he notices. Is this something I think he needs to have? More independence? I don’t know. If he were ours forever I would probably say yes knowing that a little forced freedom would be good for him. I don’t know what he feels or thinks or what he has been through and I try and remind myself there is an absolute reason he clings to me so much. Is it because he’s never had that type of love or is it because it is what he’s use to getting? Either way, I assume it’s what he needs. He clings to me and often just walks up and hugs my leg and walks away just like he’s letting me know he likes me. I honestly think that if I offered to hold him all day he would let me and wouldn’t even try to get down. I can’t even begin to feel deserving of all the cuddles I get from this one.

This little guy has so much in him. He is an angel and a stinker. He signs “more” and “eat” and tonight he came up to me and Jason around dinner time and signed “eat” just like he’s always been using this tool to tell us what he wants. He tells us big stories about things and makes his voice change from high to low and always talks with his hands signifying the end of his story with a big clap. He knows exactly what he is saying but it comes out foreign to us. He loves plain pasta and bananas and yogurt and oatmeal. He loves, loves, LOVES the water hose. He is very gentle with the cats but always tries to make their dancing tails stay still while they eat. He doesn’t play much with toys but if I had to pick a favorite it would be our triangular wooden puzzle board without the fruit pieces, the buckle in his high chair, a little plastic Diego telescope, and the button on the bouncy seat that turns the vibration on and off.

So on Thursday nights I tell myself I’ll remember this feeling when he comes back on Monday and try to live every day and night like it’s his last one with us. We have to show love to him like he is never leaving. It sucks bad but it’s also a blessing. Prayers for this little one, if you will.