"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world when He could do something about it…but I'm afraid He'd ask me the same question."~Anonymous
With a large cup of coffee in hand I am diving head first into day 3 of working on my autobiography. One of our requirements to foster parent is writing an autobiography of ourselves. This to me is the biggest mountain I have to climb throughout this entire process. Check, please! I would easily take 10 more weeks of classes to avoid this task. And why on earth I am even rushing to get it completed I don’t know because getting Jason to sit down and devote time to his own will take me no less than a year. We are just so close. We were handed our certificates a little more than a week ago for completing PATH = Parents as Tender Healers. It was a nice 10 week course chock full of discipline talks (mostly about what we are NOT allowed to perform) and sexual abuse in children and separation and loss…you name it, we discussed it. Very, very sad tales and all very true. All we lack is a med administration/First Aid class this Monday followed by a CPR course next Monday. I already know this to be true, but they must be in grave need of foster parents at the present moment because the emails between our course instructor and our FPSW (Foster Parent Support Worker) have already been flying to get our home study scheduled. This cannot take place until we have finished PATH, which we have, and we also must provide proof of the Med & CPR courses but they are going forward with scheduling our home study anyway in an effort to speed things along. For the last 10 or so weeks we have spent no less than three hours a week with 8 other couples. Out of the nine of us, only two of us were there to become foster parents. The rest were there for kinship purposes meaning they already have custody of children of family members in their home and the state requires they go through all the same training as a couple wanting to foster parent. So for all the hard work and hours put in by the two instructors to teach this class and certify all these folks, all they are really gaining to benefit are two homes for children and only as many spaces in each of our homes to fullfil the 6 child max per house. This is only 3 open spots for us, 2 open spots for the other family (they have 4 children already). The kinship families are not looking to foster, they already have children in their home that they didn’t ask for and most are grudgingly doing it because they feel they don’t have a choice and do not have a heart to foster parent even though they now have all the necessary training. This saddens me that this ratio exists and this is only one class. There is a class which takes place nearly every night of the week at other locations and what if only 2 out of 9 of those were becoming open homes for needy children. I have heard the statistic many times throughout this process about how there are at all times in our state alone several hundred children needing to be placed in foster care but there aren’t enough homes. Hence my push to get my autobiography complete. I have not come close to finishing all the other necessary paperwork to complete our four inch binder such as providing necessary vaccination records for all our pets in the home and financial forms to prove we are financially stable and not desiring to “foster for the money”. Really, who could make a living off of what the state pays you anyway? About $20 a day? Seriously. I welcome that money to help buy formula as I dread that cost. We thank God we did not have to buy formula for any of our boys with the exception of only a few months for River before he turned 1. What an expense. The rest of the necessary paperwork I could compile in a days time. It’s all here….somewhere. So why am I blogging instead of working on my autobiography? Well….I love to write but SO needed a break. I don’t like to spill my emotions and this is forcing to me while puting it all on paper at the same time. I don’t like the idea of having all this on paper, either. I am trying not to write very tangentally and always focusing on staying on subject but they really do ask questions that make you want to pour your heart out. Example:
3. Description of your family
Father –
Describe your father in his role as a parent:
What is his age, his health at present, and his present occupation?
Which qualities stand out?
Was he available to you as a child?
What was his personality like?
Has that personality changed?
What about emotionally?
Describe your relationship with your father.
How did he most often discipline you? How did you react? Has this affected your goals regarding discipline?
How did he handle sex education?
Describe ad evaluate your father in his role as a husband.
What do you remember most about him while you were growing up?
If anything could be changed about your relationship with your father, what would it be?
What challenges did your family face?
How does he feel about fostering or adoption?
Wow. And that is just all about my father and those questions only take up half of one of the six pages of questions provided. Man. If you are reading this and you really know me and you mildly know my father, then you know how hard all of this is for me. How does he feel about fostering? Well, who knows. He never shares his true feelings about anything, he never has. His “love language” is – “Pester the crap out of your kids and always say and do the opposite of what you know to be the right thing to do and that will tell them that you love them or that you are sorry without actually having to say those three little words”…all he has said to me about us fostering has been “How come you want more kids, don’t you have enough mouths to feed? Ain’t you got enough bills to pay? Ain’t you got enough kids to take care of already?” It’s alright, dad. I know that YOU know we are doing the right thing….finding a need and offering help…you just can’t mutter the right words. So, obviously, I am not being completely truthful in my autobiography because DCS would not take those comments spoken by my dad to mean what I know they mean. I can read through them…I have had 32 years to practice that. And I wouldn’t want to mislead DCS and make them think we are not “fit” enough parents to bring someone else’s baby who was likely born addicted to crack into our home. Oh the irony of it all.
River has eaten the exact same thing for breakfast every morning for no less than 18 months. He eats the least of all the boys but he eats well, just not very much whereas the other two nearly shovel their food in. Although I know what River wants to eat for breakfast, he still makes a point to tell me every single morning what he wants. It goes a little something like this (and probably exactly)… “Mom. I want a green fruit bar, yogurt and orange juice.” He calls cereal bars ‘fruit bars’ and of course this is an all natural alternative rather than some on the market full of high fructose corn syrup with no traces of actual fruit and by green he means the wrapper which is specific to the apple cinnamon flavor. Anyhoo… this morning while I was waking them for bible school they were laying in bed waking up and puting in their breakfast orders. River ordered his usual and Wheat said “Geez, River, are you on a low carbonated diet?” LOL Poor kids….so many words to learn and then they have to learn how and when is the right way to use them all! (Some of us never learn this)
Speaking of River’s diet, I recently took him to the pediatrician for his well check-up which was a combined 2, 3 & 4 year check-up since he hasn’t been to the doctor in ages. All of my boys were way past due for well visits but I see no need in taking a well child to the doctor, ever. However, DCS (Department of Children Services) is forcing us to turn over our lives for completing our foster parent requirements and one is having a full physical & well check-up for each member of the family and a three page form filled out by the doctor to prove it. This goes for all pets, too. I am praying the 11 reptiles will get to forego this. So at River’s visit after weighing (37 lbs) and measuring his height ( “), etc., the doctor came in and reported that River is in “stellar” shape and went on to say he is in the 95th percentile for height (we knew this would be high…he has always towered over all the other tikes his age) and then went on the say he is in the 75th percentile for weight. “What? Back up…75%? He is a toothpick! He weighs nothing! I worry about him having parasites all the time! He has NO butt! It is a negative butt! It dips IN instead of protruding OUT! All his pants fall off of him! What?” A little background: I have worried about River’s weight since they yanked him out of my uterus. He was the smallest of all three boys weighing in at 7 lb 2 oz but very long and skinny….no cheek fat on any of his cheeks. He then lost weight in the hospital, normal, and was a bit jaundice and laid in a mini tanning bed for a couple days after he was born. When we brought him home he screamed for 6 months, nearly non-stop, and put on hardly any weight. He was very long, yes, but wasn’t filling out at all and was colicky at the same time so everyone thought he was starving to death and wanted me to stop nursing. I admit that I do not believe he was getting enough fat from my breast milk. I struggled with milk production with him badly and was nursing him around the clock. I finally at 6 months old weaned him completely and fed him formula and he finally began to fatten up a bit only until he turned 1 and began walking and then running and lost every bit of that fat. Ever since, he’s been our little toothpick. So to hear the doctor say he is 75th in weight I knew there had to be a mistake. The doc began to explain to me that for his age he is the perfect weight but he is also abnormally tall and when you stretch out that normal weight a child can appear extremely skinny. He went on to tell me that the reason he appears so skinny is because he has a very low BMI (Body Mass Index). The kid has an extremely high metabolism and we eat very healthy meals with little fat but I did put him back on whole milk about six months ago. I believe Jason and I both have high metabolisms, that for which we are very fortunate, and Jason’s is much higher than mine still now that I have had three babes. The man eats his weight every day and never gains an ounce. His physique is incredible for a 36 year old and he hasn’t lifted a weight since I met him 12 years ago (and even then I think he was just tryin’ to impress me). So River gets his good genes from Jason. The doctor says on a scale of 1%-100%, River has a 7% BMI. Pretty low but he says it is still ok unless it drops to zero before our next well check-up. If that happens, we’ll bust out the protein shakes I assume. Meanwhile, I’ll invest in rope for his pants because I don’t see this changing anytime soon.
Just a few quick shots of our 6th annual family beach trip. My brother and sister have way more pimped out cameras than mine and have in their possession some incredible photos of our kids so maybe I will have them to post sometime before the year 2010. (hint, hint Robert) You can view some of my bro’s images of the vacation here.
We had a blast, of course, and it ended way too soon. The boys loved the ocean much more this year than ever and it was nice going on vacation with a much lighter load as our youngest child is almost four years old. We had a great time! More to blog…sorry I have been slacking so badly. Summers are busy in the Bailey house!
What a beautiful Easter Sunday! We attended church this morning and went home for lunch and to change clothes and then went off to the zoo to wish all the animals a Happy Easter! (Not really, we just have a membership and the weather was perfect). On the way, Lake and River (who have an entire empty seat between their car seats which doesn’t help at all) got into an argument over sharing a toy. I asked “Lake, what would Jesus do in this situation?” I have been asking the boys this a lot lately when they are faced with an obstacle. Lake said, “She’s right, River. You should just share so we can get this ‘what would Jesus do’ thingy over with.”
I hope everyone had an amazing Easter holiday and were reminded of the true meaning of Easter!
We had a fabulous time dyeing eggs this year. This gets more fun as the kids get older and Jason and I always tap in to the fun as well. This year we tried using some natural dyes made from things around the house. Blueberries for blue, paprika for orange, strong coffee for brown and ground cumin for yellow. The cumin didn’t color well, user error probably. The paprika wasn’t so hot either so I pulled it out while it was a tad yellowish-orange and dropped it in the blueberry liquid and it turned out a lovely green. The boys mostly used a kit we had leftover from last year except I tossed away all the silly stickers and plastic melty things that don’t promote as much creativity. Each egg was a canvas and they all turned out so incredible. Wheat worked for hours, of course. His all turned out looking like they had been tie-dyed. Very cool. Enjoy!
My grandfather passed away in May of 2002 while I was pregnant with Lake. He was an incredible man and father and grandfather. He was a dairy farmer and woodworker and truly a man of many talents. Half of the furniture in my house was built by him including this wooden table I use as a desk in which holds my computer I am typing on now. When he passed, we were all able to go through his many barns and pick and choose things to remember him by. Jason and I picked a lot of things no one else seemed to want but they were things we thought were golden. An old wooden hammer with severe signs of hundreds of hours of use….a straw hat which shielded the harsh sun of his face while he tilled his gardens. I should mention that my grandfather was legally blind when he died and had poor vision for many, many years so many of the things he made have multiple flaws or are simply not very symetric but I love that. My tables are a bit wobbly, too, but I love them. I love that when/if he needed a table for something, he built one instead of buying one. There was also a pile of cedar planks that absolutely no one wanted and we quickly grabbed them and are storing them in our barn. We have a very peaceful & creative vision of a long dining room table built from them one day by a professional woodworker in which we’ll cherish for the rest of our lives. That wood came from trees on his land…the many, many acres where his cattle roamed grazing on grass.
Another item we acquired up was a hand made blue bird house that was laying in one of his many barns like it was a castaway or a “reject”. Jason uncovered it in our garage about a week or so ago and decided to finally hang it. It was one of those moments of frustration where you find yourself so behind on so many little projects you have been trying to do for years but that have just been piling up collecting dust. We have a lot of these, especially Jason since he has worked more 70 hour weeks in the last 9 years than he cares to dwell on. He yanked it out of a box, grabbed a hammer and some nails and picked a fence post and just nailed it up with very little thought thinking it would ultimately end up becoming a charming, rustic little yard ornament. After only 3-4 days, we noticed two blue birds flying in and out carrying pine needles to prepare their nest. We couldn’t believe how fast they occupied the house. Now they are all over our backyard all of a sudden and they are so incredibly beautiful. Jason sits on the deck and watches them often. He told me he gets cold chills knowing my grandfather built that and now it is here, on our property, housing beautiful birds. Jason wasn’t able to know my grandfather very long but grew a great fondness for him. Both of Jason’s grandfathers passed away before he was born. He could chat with my papaw Johnny about plants and woodworking and farming and all sorts of topics for hours. I miss him dearly and wish my boys were older when he was alive because I know he would have loved to take them down to wade in the creek just as he did me when I was little. My memories of my grandfather and visiting his farm are grand.
Here are a few pics of our new family of bluebirds. I enlarged one a great deal so you could see him with a mouth full of pine needles. It’s truly amazing…
Time to give props to the good stuff. This is what has kept my kids so well this Winter and for the last couple of Winters. It is called VitaMineral Green and they love it in fresh apple juice or orange juice. These pics were taken a few weeks ago before their hair cuts and I just found them. Too cute not to post…
We are officially on the list for our PATH training! PATH = Parents as Tender Healers
PATH is required for all prospective adoptive or foster parents. We have to attend 30 hours of this training, every Monday evening for the next 11 weeks. Our class begins this Monday, April 13th, through July 6th. So, anytime after July 6th we will be officially open for placement as I am told the additional requirements (fingerprinting, home study, etc.) are completed during the PATH training. If I am being honest, my impatience was hoping for a Saturday class in which we could attend with longer hours but fewer days in order to complete our training sooner. But I know we can use all the extra time we are given to finish preparing for whatever may come and I have plenty I can do in the meantime. The walls could use some paint, we’re still hoping to lay our bamboo flooring but just a bit scared still to spend the money during this economic crisis AND I need a crib….just in case! That is low on the scale of priorities as I do have a pac-n-play still and who knows if we would even get a little one small enough to need a crib. But the crib I used for Wheat & Lake I put 4 coats of paint on and ultimately sold at a yard sale (pretty toxic!) and then the one I used for River I bought for $20 at a yard sale and it barely held up for him jumping around in it for two years so it went to Habitat.
My only real concern, and one I am asking prayer for from anyone who is willing, is that Jason is able to get off work each of these Mondays in time for us to make the class in time. He, as most of you know, has been working 70-80 hours a week for the last 5-6 weeks although the large project they have been trying to complete has finally peaked so I couldn’t be more thankful that we have actually seen him before 7 pm the last 2 nights this week! This to me is a blessing and in perfect time for his work to slow down so that we are able to attend this crucial training that is not optional and cannot be missed for any reason. Childcare is also a concern on all these nights, however, my mother does live next door to us and has agreed to try and leave work a few minutes early each Monday so she will be home for us when we need to leave. She is headed to Germany tomorrow for 10 days but my sister, Carmen, lives in Knoxville and we are dropping the boys off at her house on our way to our first class.
SO…..we’re off! Hope everyone is well and enjoying your Spring!
My mom has kept up a Highlights Magazine subscription for the boys for years since they were too young to really enjoy them. I have saved them all, of course, and just stacked them on a shelf. Several weeks ago Wheat really took notice of them for the first time and began reading them so of course Lake fell in right behind him and now both sit and read these magazines all day every day. Their favorite part is the jokes and they repeat them constantly. River ultimately picks them up and memorizes them from hearing the boys recite them over and over. It is so cute to hear River tell the jokes because you know he only half understands them at best. Below is a vid of him telling one in the car yesterday. He still doesn’t pronounce his “Y’s” very well so Yellow = Lellow. Here is a translation in case you need it…
Mommy: “River, can you say green, pink & yellow in the same sentence?”
River: “Yes. When the phone says ‘green, green’, I pink it up and say ‘yellow?’.
The boys have a close friend, and fellow rock star, Beckett who has a blog which plays this music when you open the blog. They love it and here is a vid of them dancing to his music. We love your blog, Beck!
Hope everyone is well and enjoying your Spring!
