Seeing the light…
…the one at the end of the tunnel. A mere glimpse, anyway.
We had a very big meeting at DCS this past Tuesday. It was brutal. My morning began with more nausea than I have ever felt while not being pregnant. I was forced to swallow an anxiety pill just to make it through. Brutal, I tell you. Jason got out of work for a little while to make the meeting with us. Luckily, the meeting took place during JJ’s visitation time so he spent most of it on mine or Jason’s lap instead of in his birth mother’s lap. The purpose of this meeting? Well, to merely announce for the second or third time now that TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) are in fact begin filed but this time they mean business and they in fact had the paperwork already turned in prior to the meeting. JJ’s caseworker, who has proven herself to be the worst in history who I haven’t even heard from in two months almost and who has lied to us and others repeatedly, was there but had nothing to say to anyone and wouldn’t even make eye contact with me because of the recent emails I have been sending her and copying everyone including her supervisor. She is positively the most defensive person I have ever met and would deny in a minute through screaming rants that she has ever done anything wrong. It is beyond sad and frustrating that people like her have so much control over a child’s life.
So for nearly two hours we got to watch JJ’s birth mother cry and cry and pour her heart out over how she would do absolutely anything for her child (although in retrospect it has been 9 months since he came into custody and she yet to do ONE item on her perm plan) (and he is her 4th child that she does not have custody of) and she was so pilled up that she couldn’t even understand simple statements others in the room were making. She brought with her yet another boyfriend that is now living with her (this one couldn’t have been around for more than a few months) who tried to dominate the entire meeting for the first 5-10 minutes before he was silenced. I tell you, it was brutal. I don’t care anymore. I will no longer sit quietly while I watch a broken system fail another child. I will give it my all (even though Jason silenced me more than once) so that when it is all said and done I will have no regrets.
So Jason and I have decided that at this time we are not taking another placement. Everyone at DCS understands my hurt and frustration right now and are begging and almost bribing me to not quit although our quitting would be completely justified considering what we have been through the last nine months with JJ. Jason and I are praying about how to move forward and considering other options for adoption that do not involve the foster care system. Perhaps we’ll be making a formal announcement soon. We’ll see. Meanwhile, we ask for your prayers in the coming weeks for the brutal road ahead in regards to our JJ. His case IS in termination. Finally. And it WILL go before and be heard by a judge soon. The judge will make the final decision. Many are on our side but that doesn’t matter in the eyes of a judge I am told. He can say whatever he wants and his decision sticks. I just pray he has all the details before him. God knows the outcome. I am so jealous.
