The Bailey Brag

There aren’t many things worse than getting puked on. It has not happened to me a lot, believe it or not. My biological kids are not big pukers (and I know I will ultimately regret saying this out loud) although River did spit up badly when he was a young tot. Spit up is different, though. Today, River and I got ready for the pool and were laying on my bed in our swim suits playing around with little E when out of no where he projectile vomited all over me, my bed, River and himself. It was one of those moments so unsuspecting that you don’t really even realize what happened for several seconds. I thought someone was shooting fireworks into my bedroom. E isn’t sick, no way could he have just thrown up on me, especially when daddy just got off work at 3 pm to take us all to the pool. He is a little congested and he had just eaten lunch so he was all jacked up just waiting on the right moment. I know I just said there aren’t many things worse than getting puked on, but there is. It’s when the puke itself consists of 5 hour old undigested whole milk yogurt and milk with a fine turkey, cheese and hummus sandwich piled on top of that just moments before. Oh yea. The yogurt was just churning in there waiting for the volcano to get just full enough and hot enough to erupt and boy did it erupt.

My poor River…

He laughed at first before the smell hit him and then his smile instantly became a very sad face and he began crying because, in his own words, “I JUST put this swim suit and swim shirt on and I really wanted to wear it!” Ok, hon. Forget the fact that a child just emptied his stomach onto me and you and the bed and we may not even get to go to the pool now. Let’s cry about the swim suit. I laid E down on my bed (I was holding him when the eruption took place), who incidentally was completely fine and looking at us with a stunned face like he couldn’t figure out why we were panicking. I got the worst of it and was utterly covered…even my hair. I know. River and I began taking off our clothes and as we did we were overwhelmed by the smell and he and I had a moment where we were both looking at each other, face to face, eye to eye, gagging and retching and puking ourselves. He had just eaten a popsicle so that wasn’t too bad. What a sweet moment for a mother and son to share. I tossed all three of us into the shower and scrubbed us like we had never been scrubbed before. E wasn’t too happy about the shower thing. I am sure it was likely breaking all kinds of rules my having him in the shower with me but I don’t really care. My bathroom was 4 feet away. It had to be done. This way, there was only one tub I had to clean afterwards.

Jason lucked out. He walked in the door just after I stripped the bed down and everyone was all clean and there was no sign at all of the utter chaos that took place just moments before. The smell was still there but I guess he is use to walking in to the house from work and it wreaking of the joyful smells of raising children.

And this was only about 30 minutes of my day…….